he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
