I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
