Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
