dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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