Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
