thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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