beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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