yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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