im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize