every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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