next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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