I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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