you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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