There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
