Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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