I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
