Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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