As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
