I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just forgot I was standing up.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
