It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
