Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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