The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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