I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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