apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
