don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
