y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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