apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
