dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
