haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
