Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
