I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
