We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize