Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is wine microwaveable?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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