Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
