I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
