it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
