And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
