dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
