Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Come see our sink grown plant.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
