i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
