I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
