i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
