Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
