Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
