I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
