I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
