I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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