so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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