So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
