So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
