The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
