Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
