I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
