it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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