I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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