well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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