Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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