Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
