I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
