i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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