i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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