I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
