Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I wish there were birth control emojis
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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