Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
