Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
