If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
