im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
