i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
