I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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