sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
