Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize