It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
