so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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