When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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