This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
